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Ridwana
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Name: Ridwana
Location: New York, United States
Birthday: 1/2/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: cartoons, reading, writing, sleeping, scratching.
Expertise: Sarcasm, dry wit, and emotional trauma.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
12/5/2002
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| I'm trying my best to avoid an essay due in about an hour; mainly, it's
a "creative piece" with absolutely no guidelines. I currently
have a very noncrative piece of shit essay that I refuse to look at
again because it makes me sad. I don't think I'm going to survive
the year...
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| - Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other GamesI completely skipped over junior year because... I had a ton of
things to say and no way of expressing them. Mainly, I feel alone
and scared, and very trapped in my parents' apartment. I have a
myspace account, and am trying to get a facebook account as well.
I hope being more absorbed in the internet will help me feel like I
have some sort of support group... in the meantime, here's
another survey.
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| Life is sucky. Yesterday it was fine but today it seems
sucky. My roommate is annoying, my floormates are having too much
sex, and the snow prevented me from going home.
I had an exam that the teacher made into a take-home because a lot of
the class was commuter. Well, what this means is that she expects
us to do 75% of the test in our room, without help. Sigh. I
thought I was going to finish the exam and go home, but it's Saturday
and I still can't write.
On the plus side, there was an intercultural festival yesterday that
had a fortune teller. She was scary, telling me I'm lazy and a
pushover, and that I have no passion. She's right, I figured if I
was going to die at 13, what was the point of having career
goals? Thirteen came and went, and I'm not prepared for this part
of my life. The reason I can't stand men is because they expect
attention, and I'm stretched too thin for that. I never even give
attention to myself, and that's why I explode all the time.
That fucking idiot. My roommate is watching anime and giggiling
by herself, while not evn offering to let me watch. This is the
same dumb blonde bitch who went insane when I tried to watch Full Metal
Panic- which is my own anime!
I'm tired and emotionally drained, and people wonder why I sleep so
much. I don't, it's just that everyone else keeps me awake when
it's nighttime, so I have to become nocturnal. Do you think it's
too late to become a sister somewhere and help the poor in a foreign
country? I hate shallow insensitive backstabbing American
bitches. I'm seriously tired of helping others with their
problems when they treat me like shit. Maybe I'll go to Cuba and
learn Spanish.
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| - I wanna be sedated -
Perhaps I should explain my disappearance...
From Dec. 17 to Jan. 18, I was in the monsoon-ridden area of
Bangladesh, after the shit hit the fan. Everything was damp, but
beautiful. I did a hell of a lot of shopping and felt like I had
finally come home. Everywhere around me, there were people who
actually looked like me and spoke my mom's language and my dad's
language as well. I can speak both as well as Hindi (mom's
jealous) .
After I came back, I realized my rommate had taken over 75% of the room
and turned it into the Hello Kitty Headquarters. The only spots
without either something pink or kitty-like is the area around my bed
and desk, maybe because she can't reach the headboard without showing
evidence of being there.
Also, about ten days later I found out that my oldest maternal uncle
had passed away. I still haven't called my aunt in Bangladesh to
talk to her. Both my grandmother and I wanted her to go first; it
sounds morbid but she's suffering every second she breathes. I'm
trying to cope but my floormates tell me to "get over it". This
is what makes Riddy want to suddenly become a mass murderer.
Anyway, that's almost all for now, except I'm trying to figue out what
to do to deal with the confusedness. Magenta is my favorite color
now.
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I seem to be obsessed with him, so I put his pic on the xanga. It
doesn't help the obsession any, but it couldn't hurt. He's so
pretty!
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